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Roseguard Ledger

Keepings of the Court



July 15th, 2006

Summer... Sucks.

This blows.
I haven't updated in a while, yeah? Oh well.
Seems my friends are... down... to... Kyle.
And some casual acquiantences. (I can't spell that word, still.)And people I still really like, but never see and never really have seen on a regular basis. I.e.- Megan, Caroline, and company.
I... uhm... I don't know what I was going to say.
Caroline's livejournal just gave me a bit of cheer, a rant about her tallness. Huzzah for her venting, quite good.
I feel sort of like a pile of garbage.
So I'm just going to sit here until 7:30 rolls around so I can go berry-picking with my mum and Kyle.

July 4th, 2006


WELL. This blows.
I'm getting really sick of this summer routine. I've taken to staying up all night brooding, sleeping really late in the day (unless I have to work) and getting a whole lot of nothing done all the time.
I've been particularly useless as of late.
I've accomplished nothing with my summer.
I mean, really, sheesh.
Not even a smidge of writing, a painting, or a piece of sewing.
I've created nothing.
Once again... it feels like the common theme in these entries, no? To me it looks like without Kyle, everything would just be a huge bust right now.
I really owe that kid a lot.
A completely unrelated note:
I had to go to the doctor today because my cramps are spectacularly awful, yes? The lady said its pretty common in girls who start really young, and the only treatment for it is birth control.
I used birth control once before, for the same reason, but it didn't lessen my cramps and just gave me morning sickness.
But, this is a different pill, so it should help.
But now my mum is dead certain that I'm going to start having sex, just because I'm protected now.
Uhhh... no.
That would be stupid.
But she keeps giving me talks about it. Yaaaa!
On the funny side though- the doctor lady gave me the pills in a starter kit containing these items:
1.) A first month regiment of pills
2.) Lotion
3.) A condom
4.) Lipgloss.
What exactly is the doctor trying to suggest here, hm?
Perhaps inviting illicit behavior? How crass.
I opened it up and laughed for like twenty minutes.
Lipgloss, lotion, and a condom? Thanks, doctor. Thanks. *exactly* What I needed my mum to see me holding all at once. T_T
Well. I think I'll go read for a while longer, I just got online to make sure someone was okay.
Carrie is mad at me.

Summer Summer

Ar- As I've mentioned previously- I feel sort of... alone in the world.
With the summer has comes the knowledge of who is truly your friend and who is merely someone you associate with in school for the sake of association.
Though you may *really* like people, that does not make it so that you will ever be anything more than classmates or deskmates or even the kids you have lunch with.
And even the kids I am supposed to be close to...
Well, Kyle is the only one I ever really see nowadays. I am happy with him, but I do wish there were others to see. He has Corey, Evan, and Adrian.
I have spurratic time with Carrie and even more infrequent jaunts to see Robby and company... it's tough to realize exaclty how isolated you are, ya know?
If it weren't for Kyle, I feel I'd probably be spending most of the summer alone.
Though on Friday I am going to see Megan and Caroline for the first time all summer for a night out to see POTC2.
That'll be neat.
It's been a long time since I've seen those guys.
Ai, there is a bug bite on my head. Not the mosquito kind, but the ... going to elave a bump that *hurts* kind.
To distract myself I'll write of happier things:
Tomorrow I am setting out on a fourth of July kitchen mission. I am making-
1.) Veggie Sandwiches
2.) Potato Salad
3.) Spinach dip with French Baguettes
4.) Orange and Chocolate Cookies.
The potato salad, spinach dip, and cookies are all going to be home made. (Sandwiches don't count as home made. Any idiot can make a sandwich.) But... I did buy the baguette this time. Just didn't feel up to making bread.
I made magic for Robby last night... I hope my charm makes him feel better, he came and picked it up this morning.
Well, as I have been doing increasingly more lately, I'm going to go delve into a book.

July 3rd, 2006


I got my first paycheck from Ruchee and my last paycheck from Holiday Barn! YES! *in the money* ... *soon to be broke* v_v
Oh well.
The manager-guy-son-man-Mr.-Pavaan also gave me a gift certificate to block buster and gave me a raise, yay! ^_^ Two weeks in, and apparently I'm doing well.
Uh- I'm supposed to be going to a POTC party with Carrie and Megan and company. But I don't know what's going down. So- I'll have to find out tomorrow.
As for me, I have two days in a row off! Yee-haw!
UHM. I really just want to go to sleep.
I was reading some of the recent random posts that you can access from Livejournal, and there was one of a girl talking about a thunderstorm in a car ride, and she was far too wordy, and used big words that did not apply to the situation at all.
It was *far* too verbose. Yuck.
It was sort of like a dictionary set to :pompous: threw up all over it.
I just needed to mention that using an overly colorful vocabulary does not make a piece of writing good.
Some of the best writing I've ever come across has been simple.
Maybe I'm just being vindictive?
Probably so.
I saw a ghost last night.
No. Joke.
I was sitting on my friend's porch (Er- I'd like to leave details out, should this fall into the wrong hands.) around 2:40, talking to Kyle on the phone.
And I looked down the street and saw a figure, a man, standing in the middle of the around, seemingly walking in my direction.
I could see his tan flesh, dark hair, shirtless chest, and grey pants, but his face was blurry.
And when I glanced back at him a minute later, he was gone.
But- it didn't occur to me that it was anything weird.
Until I looked up and kept seeing him standing in the same spot, still apparently walking in my direction and getting no closer.
And he kept vanishing. I kept seeing him, then he was gone, then he was there, then he was gone.
I don't know what was up.
But I woke up the others in the house and we all huddled up, because I was scared.
I don't think Carrie believed me, but she was nice about it. So- it's cool.
But, someone believed me.
And I do.
And Kyle is at least humoring me, when I bring it up.
I saw a ghost.
Now I don't want to go to sleep.

June 29th, 2006

The Great Hatsby

I have just been "Hatted" for the first time. It's so strange! It's a weird AIMbot thing that connects random LJ users. I can't really explain it- so here's a link about it:
It's even in wikipedia! So strange! ... It's quite fun. I don't really understand, but the idea of it is really neat.
And is very, very advanced trickery.
Because it IMs the two people at the same time, and both screennames are disguised as one of the Aimbot's names and it changes your profile and everything! And thus confusion insues.
Like- I just got into a conversation with a girl named Raina and we were both startled to be attacked by a message reading "I say, old bean, have you seen my hat?" Both of us are showing up to the other as "HatLikeAHole" with mysterious profiles that have a mysterious phone number and a link to this weird-ass site.
I'm quite intrigued by this.
Apparently it just happens sometimes, about 2 minutes after LJ users post a new entry. This is the first time it's happened to me!
I am torn between being very impressed at the detail this AIMbot goes through, and how thorough it is in its deception.
No one seems to know what the point of this AIMbot is... other than to perhaps cause humorous arguments about who IMd who first, and why you keep going on and on about hats and a weird little haiku thing about plucking a young woman's flower.
There are whole communities set up just so people can discuss their Hat-bot experiences. So neat!
I'm all flabbergasted about it.
What a strange little blight to strike the face of livejournal.
Does MYspace have anything neat like that?
Probably not.
I'm so completely amazed by this whole process. I'm so out of the loop.
(HOLY CRAP. ...Neat.)


Oh sweet victory, my grades only turned out to be mediocre, not horrendous.
Thank the gods.
And I'll just have to bust my butt to get really awesome grades first semester of senior year to get into a college.
Oh- who am I kidding? I'm going to VCU, and that shan't be difficult to get in it all.
Provided my SAT scores are alright. They'll probably be good enough.
Uhm- saw Superman today with the-still-sickly Kyle, and it turned out to be surprisingly entertaining. But perhaps that was just the suspicious ... grunt/moan thing we heard from the back of the theatre that left the both of us giggling and "ewww"ing through the last half hour of the movie.
Did you guys know that someone vandalized Katie's playground? (i.e.- the playground at Hugenot park?) I'm very upset about that. >.O! That park is very special, have some respect people!!!
Yargh. Oh! That reminds me. POTC is coming out soon.
Ar, all these movies and tv invading my nighttime. Oh well- books have been everpresent as well, so hopefully I'm not dumbing myself down too much.
Summer is the time for my mind to resharpen itself in preperation for the numbing affects of public education. I spelled education wrong the first go around there. Irony? Or just a poignant error? Who knows?
I still say the time spent in unwanted classes at school just dulls brain activity and wastes time.
But, blah-blah
A: "You need this class."
B: "Why?"
A: "To graduate."
B: "Oh... okay. I guess." *zones out*
GPA: *lowers*
(I'm going to bed- work in a scant 9 hours.)

June 28th, 2006

Hey, yo.
Kyle went home a little while ago. He's still very ill, though I do hope my care is helping him feel a little better, perhaps?
Today- work was shitty.
But I shan't discuss that.
I shall, on the other hand, state two things I am very excited about:
1.) I am losing weight by legit. means. Yesss.
2.) I may be going to NYC with Paul for a while this summer.
Both- very neat.
^_^ I gained a lot of weight (as the pic shows) recently and got all the way up to 155 lbs at one point, but in the last two weeks I've dropped down to 143 or so.
I'd like to keep that trend going, and get rid of some of this booty. Bootybootybootybootyrockin'everyway-uh.
And, as for the second announcement (oh God I burped. It tasted like tofu-dog. Blech.) I'm really jazzed about the prospect of going to NY with Paul.
It'd be my second trip to the city, though this one will be much more extended than the first go around.
I'm really excited- less of a time constraint, and still not with a group that dictates where I may and may not go. Yesssss. Neat? Definately.
The city is such an amazing place, so overstimulating and full of madness and color and noise and AH.
I thrive in such surroundings, the crush of the people.
A lot of people don't like being around so many others, or the bustle and madness of the city... but I dunno. Carrie's mum said "You just can't go to New York."
But- I guess you can, yeah? Carrie and I are supposed to go eventually, to see some stuff on Broadway. Wonder if that will happen?
I hope so.
And ghost hunting. We've plans for that too.
Uhm, well, I lost my train of thought- sooo, I'm done.

June 27th, 2006

Arrr, seems like I've, for one reason or another, fallen pray to this thing.
But, to me- well- it's still not a Myspace, so I don't feel quite so guilty about it.
It's still a selfish, self-promoting sort of idea, no matter how you play it, but it seemed appropriate, you know?
Sometimes things just fit into what you're doing.
And what I am doing is feeling isolated and restless, and unable to settle. Talking to yourself often eases such feelings.
What all brought this on was Carrie and I discussing that uncontrollable social beast of the Myspace community, and how people just are friends for the sake of having friends. And that iked me a bit, so I went through my own buddylist on AIM, not wanting to be hypocritical about disdain left for people who collect aquiantences (spelling, I know.) just for appearance's sake, or to assauge (assuage?) their own feelings of friendlessness, and took the list from 67 down to 19.
That's a hell of a leap, no?
Well- it brought this to my attention: I've quite simply run out of friends. (I mean close friends- not casual ones, everyone has tons of those.)
All of them have had their reasons, or were never more than casual friends, people I'd spend time with or confide in.
It would seem that I am down to Kyle (my boyfriend) and Carrie (my best friend) for habitual time together.
Though- hopefully I will be spending more time with Robby, Ben, and Alastair once I get some free time on my hands.
But- it just looks to me like through various spats, fallings-out, driftings-apart, and happenstance, I've wound up in a very lonely place.
I don't blame anyone for that, because, people are how they are- relationships change and alter subtly (or not so subtly) between people all the time... and as such, people also fall apart, lose touch, etc, etc.
Paul and I repaired our ailing friendship... so that's brought one more back to my side.
But, looking around all the people I talk to, or associate with in school and the like- once summer hits- its like they vanish from the world, and the population shrinks mightily.
Sure, their are superficial friends, the people you know through other people and have no real connection to, or people you party with, but don't spend any real time with, but in the long run, what will that bring you?
Perhaps a few regrets here and there, or a question left unanswered, but no lasting memories or companionship.
Sheesh, I sound like a forty year old woman, not a seventeen year old girl.
It's summer- I'm supposed to be dashing about in the whirl of activity that is an extended school holiday.
But, my time goes by sluggishly, or far too quickly- most of my time spent sleeping or at work.
I find blessed relief in Kyle's arms, having someone with whom I can talk, laugh, play, all of the silly things- but also take part in a serious relationship.
Forgive the cliche- but things are different with him than they have been with all of the others.)
And sometimes, far less often than I would like (due to conflicting scheds,) Carrie and I spend some time together, here and there, and that is a time for silliness, mindless entertainment, and enjoyment of one another's prescence.
I suppose this feeling of lethargy and loneliness will pass, after all, I do have my books. The written word has always been a refuge of sorts.
Ah, the first entry in this thing and it is already full of bemoanings and woe-is-mes.
How dandy.
But-perhaps-as my mood shifts and time slithers inexorably (sp?) onward, something new will arise. We shall see, my dears, we shall see.
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